How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
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