drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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