woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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