How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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