I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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