So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
