hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
We smell like vodka and hangover
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
