You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
