sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I just found a bag of teeth...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
