i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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