after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
