they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i would one night stand the shit outta him
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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