doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize