I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Just pee around me
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
did you just send me my own nude
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
