I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
