yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
mondays should just be called national damage control day
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
