Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
