when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize