umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Randomize
