how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
