are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i drank out of a bidet.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
