even my farts smell like vagina
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
of course. lets lasso hookers.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
