If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
