i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The uberlube is also flammable
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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