Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
We just shotgunned beers for America
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
