i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
