if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
