i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize