it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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