Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
