I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Randomize
