So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
