So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Randomize
