You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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