Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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