Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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