The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize