Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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