did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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