Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
