Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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