I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Randomize
