the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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