how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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