She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
