were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
