drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You pole danced in your parka.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
