You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
