I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
