put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
