there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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