if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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