I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
