Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Still dying that you shit outside
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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