I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize