2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
