I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
