My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I FOUND THE LEGS
It's shark week go big or go home
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
